How Attachment Trust Turns Us Into Men

Ever wonder why fear seems to dominate your emotional screen? Ever been plagued by envisioning worst case scenarios? Ever lost sleep worrying about any number of things? Ever wonder why internal peace seems so far from your present reality? Ever caught yourself running to substances, porn, food, or busyness for comfort?

All of these conditions (and so many more) have one basic answer in the Scriptures.

It’s trust — trusting God.

If you are a little disappointed in the answer, let’s dive in deeper. Let’s look in a very familiar place to get a better picture of trust.

A newborn baby.

How we develop attachment trust

A newborn is utterly helpless, totally dependent on others. All it can do is signal by cries that it is in need. As those needs are consistently met, the baby develops an inward sense of trust that he (or she) is going to taken care of. This trust is a felt attachment between baby and parents. It’s an experiential bonding the baby feels in its body.

Not only that, but a baby comes out of the womb with no sense of its own being. Like everything else, it has to trust others to provide even that. This is why skin-to-skin contact with a baby is so important. As this happens, a deepening sense of being develops internally, along with a growing feeling of well-being.

This is what a baby starts to feel: safe, seen, secure, and soothed.

These four words describe attachment trust. This trust becomes the foundation for all the other developmental stages ahead.

Attachment trust with God

Now when God asks us to trust Him, He is asking us to do something already coded in our implicit memory as newborns. He wants us to cry out so that we can experience how He hears and answers our needs. He desires that we experience His being pouring life and light into our being.

He wants us to feel safe with him. He wants us to experience that He sees us. He wants us to feel secure and soothed in His presence. The same four words describe attachment trust in God.

Trusting God is not just a thought. It’s an experience of security, well-being, and safety

The Bible, especially the Psalms, are filled with references to this type of trust. God wants us to experience Him as a rock, a fortress, a high tower, a shield — all metaphors that express that deep sense of safety and security.

Experiencing attachment trust

Here’s the catch though. You can’t think your way into this type of trust. It has to be experienced. Once you experience it, then thinking about it comes naturally as a consequence. But the experience is first. And this is where so many men need help.

Whether it’s lack of bonding with a father or mother or their own fears and addictions, a man may not feel safe with God or feel unseen by Him. But nothing is too hard for God. I’ve watched this happen so many times as men find a door opening to this attachment trust with the Lord.

Here’s a simple way to begin. Simply picture a place you love that feels safe. Picture that place in your mind, put yourself in it, and then invite Jesus to be there with you. Be open and watch what happens.

I have been using this prayer every day for some time now. It’s where I go first to experience the Father’s fierce love for me.

I feel safe, seen, secure, and soothed.

Becoming a man through attachment trust

You might feel some resistance to this. After all, feeling like a newborn seems like weakness, not the route to being a man. But remember that everything is upside-down in God’s kingdom. Attachment trust is actually the foundation to becoming a man. Here’s why.

The effects of feeling bonded with God are massive and deeply transformative. Emotional regulation starts to happen. There is healing from past traumas and endurance in present challenges.

But the biggest change is simply that God’s very life begins to pour into and then out of a man. This is a life of abundance and flourishing, no matter what the circumstances. A man starts to be a non-anxious presence to his family and friends. The words fearless, joyful, and playful begin to describe him. He becomes a tower of consistent love and strength, causing everyone around him to flourish.

Attachment trust is the foundation for becoming that man.

Want to start the journey? Just contact me for some ideas.

Bill

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