I have a 30-second experiment I want you to try. It comes in two parts.
First, what images come to mind when you think what a real man looks like? Take 15 seconds and note what first flashes through your mind. Don’t analyze or judge. Just let the images come. Close your eyes now and do this before reading on.
Second, what images come to mind when you think what a godly man looks like? Take 15 seconds and note what first comes to mind without analyzing or judging.
Now compare your two experiences. Where did the images overlap? Where did they diverge?
If those images were similar, consider yourself one of the fortunate few. But for many men, those images not only diverge, they can feel like two separate universes. It’s the masculine split.
For many young men, they feel the pull toward images of a real man – adventurous, daring, strong, brave, heroic. But images of godly men tend to look weak, bland, boring, insipid. Young men have admitted to me that they look at men in their church and never want to be like any of them. I factor in their own lack of experience and insight. Nevertheless, it hurts to hear those comments. They feel the masculine split deeply.
So what’s going on here? I see two major factors.
Factor #1 – Fatherlessness
We live in the most fatherless generation in history. The stats are startling and disturbing. The loss of fathering seems only to deepen with the advances of technology and AI.
If young men can’t find fathers or older men of the faith who will help them move forward, they will go elsewhere. This is not an optional enterprise. They will find someone to lead them, even if it’s into terrible darkness.
Fathers play such a critical role here. I’m not talking about perfect fathers. I just mean men who initiate, seeking to be engaged and affirming with their sons.
When they do, they become strong echoes of the true Father. Sons with such fathers can not only bask in their delight, but find it easier to experience the delight of the Father. Becoming connected to Him feels more like what real men do.
Factor #2 – The demonic
Masculinity has been increasingly assaulted on a number of fronts. Much has been said about the cultural causes, but I want to go in another direction. I believe there is an insidious demonic war against men that keeps them feeling sickly, afraid, and lost in their shame. As long as a man is bound up in his own idols and addictions, he cannot see himself as Jesus sees him. Nor can he be free to walk out his destiny and calling.
There is surely a blindness caused by the enemy that inhibits our ability to see the truth of what a real man is. The Bible speaks so clearly about our real life as men always coming from God. Eternal life is not just off in the future. It’s a quality of life now that fills our lungs with joy, passion, and energy.
If you want evidence of this, take every story in the Bible where God works with a man. He calls that man out on a mission that is every bit as daring, adventurous, and wild as you can imagine. The great saints throughout church history have the same story line. Surely the enemy has blinded so many men to the truth.
The One who healed the split
There is one man who perfectly put together the real man and the godly man. There was no masculine split in him. He set out on an adventure to do what no man had ever done before, fearlessly facing his enemies, seeking to use his power for the good of others, and finally giving his life away for them, as heroes do.
Jesus was the first real man we have ever seen in history. And he did it all in complete dependence on the Father as a godly man. He healed the split.
The claim of the New Testament is even more starting. We are all to be shaped into His image, literally cut and chiseled into something like Him. That’s where this story is going. It can be where your story is going too.
What’s next?
First, despite all the deepening darkness around us, I have a lot of hope. There are many ministries and churches who are speaking into the masculine split. I’m privileged to be connected with a few of them.
Second, we are doing our small part here in this ministry, helping men walk out a robust masculine spirituality that is Jesus-centered and life-giving. Men who walk this road have a growing clarity about their identity and purpose and are taking the adventure to live it out.
Spiritual direction, Quiet Days, and The Exercises can all help close the split a man might feel. You can check out the links to find out more.
But I want to call attention to another offering we now have, soon to be up on the website, Developmental Soul Care. Here a man goes back through his story developmentally, from birth into boyhood and manhood, allowing Jesus to undo the things that should never have been and to give the things that are missing. It’s a crazy adventure that can help heal the masculine split. I know that from my own experience with it.
Contact me with questions, thoughts, or if you would just like to hear more.
Bill
Photo by Matheus Natan: https://www.pexels.com/photo/macro-photography-of-a-pavement-crack-2847615/
