I don’t need to tell you that the confusion about gender today is historic. The volume of competing voices is overwhelming. Young men and women caught in the vortex of these voices are left with few moorings and less hope. The confusion it creates casts a dark shadow over an already confusing world.
As a spiritual director, men of all ages come to me with their questions about God, but they also come with life struggles in marriage and parenting, in their sexual life and emotional life, in their deep desires and broken dreams. Underneath all of these lie a deeper question, always there but seldom verbalized:
How do I live out of my masculine soul?
And there’s the rub. Being male in our time doesn’t feel like a blessing to enjoy and offer to others.
It feels like a burden or curse.
Masculinity as a curse?
The recent toxic masculinity and #MeToo conversations have labeled maleness by and large as something that needs to be erased. It is a scourge on society that has done more harm than good. In its place comes the androgynous life, where femininity and masculinity are blurred, sometimes beyond recognition. This manifests itself in all the multiple gender choices deemed as the brave, new world.
But even without all of the cultural pressure, the feeling that masculinity is a curse feels close to home. Our internal sexual pressures drive so many men into dark holes. The implicit belief is that our masculinity constantly gets us into trouble.
But beyond the sexual issues, men carry deep burdens made heavier by shame. There is the burden to provide for a family with all of the financial pressures and career questions. There is the burden of trying to be a good father. Many of them wonder if they are doing anything right. Then there are the burdens that come with difficult marriages or a life that’s isolated. All of these can make masculinity feel like a curse laid on us to endure, or worse, one under which we have to suffer.
But with Jesus, everything has changed. He comes to redeem us from our bondage to sin. But He also comes to redeem our sexuality. He comes to make everything new. And He can answer that question for you: How do I live out of my masculine soul?
The answer is always a blessing, never a curse. Here are two of the blessings.
Blessing #1 – Find Your Voice
This is a conversation I have had with so many men. There is something written into our fiber that asks us to stand and speak. It is life-giving to us and to those who listen.
But a man without a voice feels emasculated. His voice can be lost in many ways. Consider the man with a father who explodes in anger. He learns from a young age that it is better to stay silent than invoke his father’s wrath. Or consider the man ridiculed by peers in middle school for speaking wrong answers in class. His voice led to shame, so it’s safer not to use it anymore. The stories here are as varied as they are endless.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. When a man speaks and affirms in love, everyone around him flourishes — his friends, his wife, his children. And when he speaks truth into a difficult situation, light dispels the darkness.
The Bible constantly talks about the power of words, both to wound and to heal. Your voice can be a one of healing in a sick world. You don’t have to be a polished speaker, but you do have to say what is in your heart. When you do, it will also bring a feeling of empowerment and release. You are being a man.
This is how your masculinity can be a blessing.
But you have to risk and speak.
Blessing #2 – Make Your Mark
This is another constant conversation I have with men. There is a deep inner drive in us for impact. We were created to make a mark on the world’s canvas so that our lives matter. Not just any mark, but one that causes goodness and beauty to spring forth. This longing can also manifest as the desire for greatness. What man doesn’t want to feel the great in the eyes of others?
But this longing easily gets twisted. This is the genesis of ambition and the drive to the top. For young men, this drive is incredibly dominant. We are starting careers. We want to prove ourselves and rise above others. I remember this drive being so pervasive in me that it shut out what others might be feeling. And that’s what happens. The longing for impact becomes a self-absorbed drive for fame, power, and adulation.
Jesus came to redeem our longings, not by killing them but by setting them free to run for their true fulfillment.
This is the case for impact and greatness. He gave us the prescription: If you want to be great as a man, serve others and make them feel their own greatness (Mark 10:43). Find ways to help them with their dreams. Listen to their own longings and touch them as you can. That’s exactly how you become a man of impact.
But don’t be grandiose. Start small. Look at your wife and kids. If you aren’t married, look at your friends or family. Figure out what would help them feel loved, cherished, and seen, and go there. It might be words you speak (back to the previous blessing) or something you do with them or for them.
Whatever it is, you will be making a mark that never goes away, bringing forth incredible goodness and beauty.
Final Thoughts
Don’t let the world disciple you in your sexuality. Jesus found His voice and made His mark, and the world has never been the same. From this Man of Men, endless blessing now streams forth to a thirsty world.
Want to be like Him? Then just ask: Jesus, how can I follow you so that I find my voice and make my mark?
The answer He gives you will set you on an adventure, one that will forever change you.
May it be so.
Bill
